camping? no thank you!

I am not a camper.  I have never been a camper.  I will never be a camper.   I am not even especially “outdoorsy”.  I seem to attract all bugs within a 10 mile radius.  I have decided I am particularly tasty  to mosquitoes and any other insect that bites.  I have also decided that I feel quite certain the Lord did not send me here during the pioneer era for a reason.   Initially I thought that reason was His great love for me…..but my family has corrected me and informs me that it is His great love for the pioneers.  Apparently my family is under the impression that I could possibly, occasionally, softly and in an understated manner complain or fuss just a wee bit about conditions on the trail.  Whatever.    Haha

Here’s a little summary of my last camping experience.   I will admit I believe I was sent here during the time when there was electricity for a reason!  Although I look homeless at Market when I’m working, I will have to say I am a fan of blow dryers, flat irons, heat, air conditioning, microwaves, refrigerators, hot tubs, and all things electrical that make life easier.  So I really prefer NOT to do the “roughing it” thing when camping.   I was asked to be a chaperone at a church girls camp retreat.  (whose idea of a joke was this? I know not!)  anywho….the camp was very rustic.   Each cabin had 6 bunks – (a slab of wood hanging somewhere off the wall) – and that was basically it.   Well – I found out there was electricity in one of the buildings on the property – so BAM!  I’m in business!   I show up with an 80 foot extension cord, a multi prong adapter, a mattress, a night light, two oscillating fans, and my blow dryer (just to hit the high points).  While everyone else was digging “latrine” troughs (nightmare! I will hike as long as it takes to get to the actual bathrooms on the property!!), I dug a shallow line to bury my extension cord from the main lodge thing to my cabin.   BINGO!   I am in the cabin plugging in my fans and putting my mattress on my bunk…and i turn around and notice about elevendytwelveteen girls trying to get in the cabin to room with me.    Never one to have much self esteem, I am flattered beyond belief.   Um….until I see all elevendytwelveteen sets of eyes focused on my fans.   Oh well….whatever it takes to have friends!   Last order of business was to find the ice machine on the property (these places always have one somewhere) and fill my cooler so my diet coke is nice and refreshing.   NOW…..we’re ready to camp.   this is the look I was going for – didn’t QUITE hit it – but came closer than anyone else at the campsite – THIS is camping!!!



Before you make fun….let me just share this.  I have come to the conclusion that even campers do not like to camp!!!     Really!    Two honest to goodness examples……

Tom was training to be a scout leader (years ago) and they scheduled a cold weather campout.   Teaching the kids how to deal with the elements.   Well…..it was cancelled two days before.   WHY?   The forecast called for SNOW!   True story!

This past week my own dear scout who LOVES to camp – was scheduled to go on the wilderness survival campout.   Talked for weeks about trapping his own food (translation – he’s gonna have to live on the 2 granola bars I sneek into his pockets)    about starting his own fires (I got a lighter im putting down his sock)    about identifying safe roots and berries to eat (can you say “fruit snacks” in his sleeping bag?)    he had big plans!!   Well…..it was cancelled two days before.   WHY?   The wilderness survival campout could not be held due to the threat of rain in the forecast.   RAIN!  True story!

See?   don’t let em fool ya – Even campers do not like to camp!



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