Communication??? Part One

This is PART ONE of a two part blog – there was just so much dysfunction i worried it was too overwhelming for one post. haha
van keyI know communication can be tricky. communication with a friend or loved one can be even trickier Communication in a marriage can be downright impossible. I know that the two of you who read my blog are aware that our family seems to be “vehicularly challenged”. Well for today’s purposes we are going to focus on the van…..
Seems that the 1723 honda oddssey vans (yes – im pretty sure that’s what year ours is) had some kind of issue with the ignition. Inserting the key into the ignition begins to be a problem at some point on this particular model. In an attempt to “communicate” with my spouse, I point out that not being able to put the key into the hole in the van that allows me to start the dang thing, could, indeed, become quite bothersome, to say the least. Well, being the family we are, we do absolutely nothing about this little “issue” until the key does become quite difficult to insert into the ignition. In an attempt to “communicate” with my spouse, I request a trip to the service department of several reputable repair places. He, of course, has other plans. I am now instructed to LICK the key before I put it in the ignition. Yes – you read that correctly. My dear other half has deduced that the problem might possibly be lubrication, so I am to LICK my key before trying to start the van. Oh! And turning it over and around might help too. So now I need to be in the van about 45 minutes before I need it to actually start….and I sit there….hoping no one on the face of the earth is looking as I lick and turn and lick and flip and lick and rotate our key. Well despite the fact that I am as patient as Job (just ask anyone in my family) this gets dysfunctional pretty quickly. In an attempt to “communicate” with my spouse, I tell him he is a dork and ask him to follow me to the nearest repair place. He, of course, has other plans. NOW, we are going to just always leave the key in the ignition. Never take it out. Ever. Well….ok. I realize most of you are thinking, “laura! You have snagged yourself a genious! Tom is nothing short of gifted with his problem solving skills!” and I would have to agree that tom is nothing. Bah ha ha. Let’s just consider this one little hiccup in the plan. I am 20 minus 3 plus 17 minus 4 plus 18 years old. (I’m hoping most of you will not even begin to take the time to do the math there…..) and have been driving for more than a few years. I have this nutty little ritual where I stop the vehicle, put it in park, turn the key off, and…. You guessed it…. take it out. Call me crazy…..but its true. So after trying really hard, there does come a day when I automatically go thru that little ritual and end up sitting in the Target parking lot with the van key in my hand. Oh crud. Now what???? I lick and swirl, and drool and turn and rotate and smear…..for about an hour and nope….that key ain’t going in the ignition. Not happening. So….. In an attempt to “communicate” with my spouse, I take several deep cleansing breaths and call him. “sweetheart?” I say….. “I seem to have a little problem with the van…..” “what???? You didn’t take the key out did you???? It’s such an easy fix laura! Why did you take the key out????? Great – now I have to come fix this and ……(heavy sigh on his part) Fine….i’ll be there in a bit” ok. Initially, I feel just awful. But then as I sit there waiting…..i begin to think things thru….and realize I have married a dingleberry and no other woman on the planet spent two months sucking on her van keys, and then another month leaving them in the vehicle and carrying around anything of any value since the vehicle could not be locked. No…..this was dysfunction at it’s best. Etc etc etc so by the time “my beloved” arrives to assist….i have worked myself into a little fit.
Well….as it turns out – the key cannot be licked enough to make it work this time so the whole ignition thingy on the steering column has to be replaced. In an attempt to “communicate” with my spouse, I thank him for repairing the issue a mere 11 months after it started…..and then focus on being excited that we are no longer dealing with key issues!……
Alas…..i was wrong…..
(to be continued…….)

5 replies
  1. Heather Corn
    Heather Corn says:

    Wait till I see him in the parking lot… I’m gonna ask him to lick my key so my car will start… Now I understand why I am to leave NOTHING with his name on it EVER again… Yes’m am… GOT IT!

    • Admin
      Admin says:

      oh heather….if you only knew! hahaha and i would LOVE it if you really asked him to lick your key – HYSTERICAL!!!!

  2. Connie
    Connie says:

    Heather, I stumbled on your blog following a craigslist link, and I sat here and read this to my husband while crying and laughing at the same time. It’s the funniest story I have read in forever and completely made my miserable day seem not so bad. THANK YOU for sharing this story. It. Was. Awesome. Also, how much do you charge for your chalk paint?

    • Admin
      Admin says:

      thanks! i can usually make the rest of the modern world feel thankful for their own problems – haha
      check out the online ordering section for pricing on all our products – and for a list of retailers near you!


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