Gonna do it again……
Not sure why….not sure how I got roped into this….but I’m gonna travel again for work. Last trip was to Utah…this one is to texas. Stressed about this trip. Why you ask???? Well by all means….let me share…..
Got the clothes thing covered. Im not even close to being “well dressed” or even “looking normal”. But I am not traveling in the buff…and I do have my company logo slapped across my ample bosom most of the time. Kinda like my own personal billboard – ha! So I feel prepared in that area. No….this time the stress is the actual travel part of the trip. By way of explanation, let me share a couple of details from the Utah trip….
GA to change planes stop…..
We are 45 minutes late. FOURTY FIVE MINUTES!!! Now this is huge, as I have found a comfortable place to sit near the gate, where rushing and pushing is not necessary. And I have timed the bathroom trips very carefully. I could feasibly make a trip now….but cannot give up this seat….and so a FOURTY FIVE minute delay is a big deal to my bladder. A BIG deal. I had it all planned to drag all my carryon stuff into the restroom at the change planes stop. Now things are getting dicey. They finally announce the reason for the delay. The flight attendant for our flight slept in. yes. You read that right. The flight attendant for our flight SLEPT IN! I have very little patience for this, as I myself was on 75 heading for the airport before 5am!! Sleeping Beauty comes dashing in to board the plane after her 45 minutes of extra slumber with her hair wet and flying around her head and one shoe on. Not impressive. So now all the rest of us can board and the trip begins.
Let me stop for a moment here and give you my best flying tip. After booking the ticket, when your husband is not looking, pay that extra 20 bucks to board before others. Zone 1 boarding I think they call it. Why? That way I can get on the plane BEFORE almost everyone else. First class is always first, but I’m next. The advantage is that I can shove my things in the over head bin without shoving my other “things” in someones face. I can grease up and slide into my seat with a bit of privacy. No one is watching as I loosen the seatbelt to the very longest length. By the time the other passengers get back to where I am, I am all situated as if I am a normal traveler. WELL worth the 20 bucks!!
So we start 45 minutes late….and when we land (at the change planes spot) they announce we will be sitting on the plane for another 20 minutes or so. (remember the bladder??) reason for this delay? The crew who slide the bridge over that connects the plane to the terminal so we can deplane without the help of a tarzan type swinging vine…those people are late. Really! So now my bladder is not even remotely the issue….i have a connection to make. And unless it is the very next gate over, that just aint gonna happen! I dash off the plane and ask the nearest employee where my gate is. Well it might as well have been already in Utah! I look at my clock and realize I have like 4 minutes.. you realize what this means…..this means I have to run. And just let me say, “the girls” don’t like it when I run. Not at all. Dang it. I grab my bags and my purse and strap them around my neck in a lame attempt to corral “the girls” and take off. I am running top speed (and despite what you see in the movies NO ONE really does this) bags and girls flopping all over the place. I am breathless….start coughing uncontrollably… and finally reach my gate. Where everyone is sitting calmly. As I try to understand this situation, it dawns on me….Um….yes….there is a time difference and I am an hour early. Heavy sigh….
Ok – better this than missing the connection. So I uncorral “the girls”, apologize to them for the unnecessary abuse, and take care of the bathroom trip. After a quick call to tom to assure him I am having the time of my life, I find a seat close to the gate so no rushing or pushing is required and sit. Would like to eat, but worry that with only 35 minutes left now, by the time I find a spot to buy food and get back, my good seat will definitely be gone. No worries….i can live off what is stored in my hips for quite some time. Well….as boarding time approaches, they announce – yes – you guessed it – there will be a delay. We will be waiting at least another 45 minutes because – you aren’t even gonna believe this….the PILOT is running late. Can NO ONE on this particular airline get to work on time???? (notice I did not name American Airlines on purpose so as not to defame them in any way.) well we finally board and start the longer portion of the trip. I am next to the window….and there is a man in the seat next to me. Seems relatively normal…..until….about 20 minutes into the flight. At this point, I kid you not, he makes an animal-like sound that indicates that he is more than a little uncomfortable…and then he stands up. You would really have to be there to believe this….but then, in the aisle of the plane…he starts a calisthenics routine. I kid you not!!! He is stretching, bending, twisting, reaching, flexing, wiggling, writhing, – and all the while he is moaning like he’s in extreme pain. After about 4 minutes of this, he sighs, sits down, and looks over and smiles at me. I am sure I look stunned and confused at best – and he says cheerfully, “flying is so uncomfortable don’t you think?” (my thoughts? Well yes sir. As you do your workout routine in the aisle, as you groan like you’re near death, as you toss your leg up on the seat and I fear your pants will rip, um yes – flying does indeed become very very uncomfortable!!!) Instead of verbalizing a response I give him a very wary smile and look out the window. Alas, this routine of his occurs three more times before we land. Extremely strange!!!!
And then……I have never been more grateful…..we land! I am safely in Utah. No permanent damage done…..other than a deeply intensely strong dislike for the whole travel experience. So as I prepare to “take off” for Texas this week….i am wondering if there are places that offer therapy for issues like mine. Also wondering if there are places like some dentist offices where they will sedate you during the procedure. I could get very excited about the prospect of being drugged…..very excited!