My husband is a sane person….most days. I have some issues with him (completely training a spouse can indeed take a lifetime) but i rarely question his sanity. Today is a different story. I feel certain he snapped last week. he asked to borrow my phone while we were working together – today i was scrolling thru my texts and here is the communication i found from my spouse to his children….
This is your father. If you need me call your mom’s phone. I left mine at the warehouse. So if you call my phone I will not answer because it’s at the warehouse. I am not at the warehouse. So I can’t answer it there, because I am here at market. Not at the warehouse. Which is where my phone is. So don’t call it. Oh, if you text me on my phone which is at the warehouse, I won’t be able to get texts either. You will have to text me on your mom’s phone. The text would go the same place voice calls would go which is to my cell phone which is at the warehouse. Where I happen to not be. For texts please indicate whether they are for your mom or me. If they are for your mom I will not read them, wait, I guess I will read them a little bit to figure out if they are for your mom, but I won’t remember any of it since the text would be for your mom. If it is for me please indicate it so I will remember to remember the text otherwise I might accidentally remember something that was for your mom and not for me. Or not remember something I should have remembered that was actually meant for me.
Should any of you need to email me. The process is very simple. You can’t. All emails will go to my phone which is at the warehouse where I am not. I cannot get emails on your mom’s phone. But that is no problem. You can simply email me as you always do which will appear on my cell phone which is at the warehouse. You will then need to either call me on your mom’s cell phone or text me on your mom’s cell phone and let me know that you have sent an email to my cell phone which is at the warehouse and which I do not have access to and I can then go on the inter-webs log into my Hotmail account and pull up the email from here at market even though the email is on my phone at the warehouse. Thank you for your cooperation and your understanding during this difficult and trying time
FROM MEGAN: You a little bored?
Megan this is your father. I don’t know if that text was meant for me or your mom. Please indicate and resend. Thank you
FROM MEGAN: You a little bored DAD?
I am actually glad that Megan sent her last text the way she did. As you can see she indicated who it was for at the end of her message. As I read the message I was not sure if I should remember it or not remember it until the very end therefore I did not remember it thinking it was probably for your mom and when I got the end had to go back and reread the entire text in order to remember what it was she wanted to ask me. So if each of you would indicate at the beginning of your text who it’s for it would really save me some time.
And no Megan I am not bored I am very busy which is why I don’t have time to go back and reread texts that were meant for me that I thought might have been meant for your mom.
FROM MEGAN: FOR DAD. i apologize- i see the error of my ways now -your explanation is very reasonable. I feel silly, almost as silly as i would feel if i had forgotten my phone at some warehouse. I’ll do better in the future!!! 😝
Megan I truly appreciate your response and your apology however during difficult times like this, let’s try to keep this line open for serious communication in case another child needs to get a hold of me on your mom’s cell phone. Thank you.
FROM MEGAN: FOR DAD. good plan- but the rest of the children dont seem to be paying much attention.
Megan I appreciate your latest text and your proper method however once again, do you feel it is necessary communication to indicate that your siblings are not paying attention?? do you not think that I already have that knowledge? The purpose of texting is to send information that the receiver does not already have. So let me reiterate in the strongest way possible …let’s keep this line open for emergency communications.
FROM KATIE: FOR ANYONE: dad tends to write texts the same way I write school essays.
Katie this line is open for communications to your mother or me only. One of the choices was not “to anyone”. You can communicate with the others directly. Mom or dad texts only to this phone. This emergency should only last a few more hours so let’s all try to keep our heads.
FROM MEGAN: FOR DAD. Did you know that a crocodile cannot stick its tongue out? This is knowledge that you do not already have, and while it may not SEEM like an emergency, you never know when a fact like this could be the difference between life or death.
FROM KATIE: FOR DAD: maybe when i said for anyone, I meant either you OR mom. That text was meant to be read but the vital information could have been remembered by either one of my parental units. I used the term anyone to indicate that the choice was open. I did not need to specify any one parent at that time.
Katie as you know we stress honesty in our home. Although I can see why you would’ve been embarrassed and tried save face, that message was obviously not meant solely for your mother or I. Megan I do not plan to travel to any location where there are crocodiles to stick their tongues out at me. Certainly that could’ve waited until this emergency was over.
FROM MEGAN: FOR DAD. the crocodiles wont stick their tongue out at you. They cant.
believe it or not – these texts continued to go on for quite some time. covering topics like the crocodile population in georgia, an extensive list of things you can do with your tongue, the meaning of honesty and how to determine if you are indeed an honest person, and items needed in order to survive during an emergency situation.
here is the final text that went out to my children that ended the conversation.
once again, i need to make an emergency announcement. apparently my cell phone was not left at the warehouse as i had previously indicated. apparently i had turned it on silent – which i never do. apparently i had put it in my jacket pocket – which i never do. therefore – i would like to announce that i am now in possession of my cell phone – the ringer is turned on – and it is safely secured in my pants pocket. therefore – if you need to send me a text message, phone me, or email me, you may do so, in the manner you were accustomed to before this faux emergency arose. however, i am glad that we went thru this difficult time together. it makes me happy as a father to see that we can band together to overcome adversity. thank you – and i shall now return this phone to your mother.
my thoughts? it’s possible my family is WAY too dependent on electronic devices. but it’s also fabulously cool that we have kids that will text us, tease with us, and take the time to make us feel loved even in this busy crazy world we live in!