i rarely do a repeat….but…..

i try very hard not to repeat the little blog stories on here…..not hard to do based on the amount of dysfuntion going on in our family – ha!  but had to repeat this one today.  we are driving around and out of the blue my beloved spouse looks at me and says, “hon?”  yes tom?  “got a question for you…..”   yes tom?  “um….well….uh…..”  (can you hear the hesitation???? i am already pretty sure that this is a stupid….i mean possibly controversial question)   “uh honey….i was wondering how you felt about getting the kids a cat?”  (and he gives me a huge crazy grin).       WHAT???   WHAT????  WHAT???????    (for those of you who don’t know….this is a wee bit of an ongoing struggle…..which is NUTS since i am deathly ALLERGIC to cats!!!!  my eyes swell up  – i itch like crazy and breathing becomes difficult – wouldn’t you think that would be enough to close the cat door forever????  well apparently not!)   so i respond – well dear – you know that’s not really an option.   “but the kids really want one!”  WHAT??? WHAT????  WHAT????????    well dear – there are quite a few things the kids want that they shan’t be getting – let’s put this on that list, shall we?  “well – it would just make them so happy…and i am planning on checking out the option of a hypoallergenic cat so you’re not affected!”  (as i consider how to respond to this i toy with “well – they might be really happy with a cat – but when i pass away….” but then i stop – realizing that there is a possibility my teenagers have forseen this tragedy and it makes a cat all the more appealing!  haha) so i say  – in my most loving voice – with gobs of patience and control – filled with understanding and empathy from On High – “i will not even discuss this crazy dumb idea with you for one second – my children can live without a stinky cat – but i cannot live without eyes and the ability to breath!  if you ever bring this up again i swear i will…..i don’t even know….but it’s gonna be BAD……REAL bad!!!”    seemed pretty effective as the subject changed relatively quickly after that…and tom told me he wasn’t even going to ASK about a puppy.   but the whole scenario reminded me of the last CAT episode in our home……

HELP!!!  february 2011

so i am deathly allergic to cats.  as in eyes swell shut,
face swells up (which is hard to detect since it always looks swollen
but i myself can tell), itchy everywhere and  my personality
goes a little cranky (which my family says is hard to detect since i
always…ha!  whatever!)  and i don’t even have to come in
contact with an actual cat.  can just be NEAR a cat.  near
a cat hair.  near where a cat used to be.  near where a cat
thought about being once.  very very allergic to cats!

um….last week a cat showed up at our house.  this is what
SHOULD have happened…..

children:  “oh no!  a cat!  mom is allergic to
cats!  they make her uncomfortable and we can’t have that!
let us take this cat to a home where it can live so that our mother
is not bothered.  let us ensure her health by removing this cat
from our yard/home/residence.”

spouse:  “yes children!  and let us do it quickly
so mother will not suffer for even a brief moment!  she is
everything to us and we need to show our love and devotion by taking
care of this little problem promptly!”

everyone together:  (chanting cheerfully as they take the cat
far far away from our home)  “we love mom!  we love
mom!  we love mom!”

what actually DID occur:

children:  “wow!  a cat!  i love cats!
let’s play with it!!  let’s snuggle it on our laps and in our
arms!  lets hug and kiss it.  and then lets hug and kiss
mom!  let’s roll around in the grass with it before we give mom
our laundry.  let’s take pillows off the couch and make a bed so
it’s sure to be comfortable!  let’s go outside regularly to
check on it so it knows we love it! ”

spouse:  “children?  make sure you feed that cat!
it will stay longer if you feed it.  and let’s give it the tuna
mom had planned to use for lunch since it looks so very hungry.
let’s use one of moms best bowls to serve that tuna in too….we want
that cat to know how much we love having it around!”

everyone together:  (as they cheerfully let the cat in the
house to ensure it’s comfort)  “we love cats!
we love cats!  we love cats!  we love cats!!!

oh my!  i have been relatively uncomfortable and a wee bit
cranky for about 5 days now.  i am now officially going on
strike.  no more laundry till the cat is gone.  and i am
selling the following pieces of furniture in order to afford the
hotel bill that will surely follow as i check into a posh hotel
somewhere till this little issue is handled correctly!
so here you go!  please consider my health issues as you weigh
whether you want or need any of the following pieces…..  (and
there will be a substantial discount offered to anyone who would take
their purchase away with a cat in the drawer!   =D


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