I said WHAT?????

So I’m running out the door last week to head over to Woodstock market and drop off some furniture and Emma asks if she can ride along. Why do we say some of the things we say to our children??? What did I say to her? What was my answer to her query? How did I respond to her attempt to reach out to me? First let me share a photo. A wee cross section of how I was dressed that day. I have – based on my incredible thoughtfulness – cropped out most of the unshaven legs and the huge boob filled t-shirt that “matches” the fashion-statement-making capris you see here…….

So as I stand before my sweet daughter in clothes that are most likely only held together by paint smears….I say to her…..”uh. NO Emma….you cannot go with me. Not looking like that you can’t! Your shirt is covered in chocolate!!”. As she slowly and respectfully looks me up and down….and slow-lier (my own word) and a bit apprehensively says, “um, ok mom. Sure.”. I look down and realize how completely ludicrous what I have just said really is. ***heavy sigh***

Got me thinking about all the gazillion other things I say to my children that make no sense at all!!

No! You cannot have dessert until you eat all your chips!!
Really? Cause the nutritional value of chips (or whatever crazy thing I am trying to get them to eat is SOOOO much healthier than the dessert I am about to serve!

This is … Of course…. something I only say at 10,000 decibels…..

Are you trying to air condition the neighborhood????!
Really? That’s not even possible! Even if everyone in the neighborhood agreed to leave all doors and windows open simultaneously I just don’t see it making a huge dent in the temperature.

Don’t throw that….it’ll put someones eye out!
First of all….I think I probably automatically yell that even if my kids are tossing cotton balls or say…something random like an infants sock….not everything even has the POTENTIAL to physically maim you. Rarely do my children throw spears or toss shards of glass. But even If they DID….
Statistically speaking, how often does someone really lose an eye? A bonk on the head? Sure! Hurt and crying? Yes! But losing an eyeball? Not so often really….

Stop that right now or I’ll turn this car around….(feel free to substitute any hollow threat that your child knows will not really happen….). Youre halfway to disneyworld and justifiably sick of the bickering…,but are you really going to turn around a d drive 14 hours home??? And the kids know that!! Some of my all time doozies?
Clean your room or I swear I’ll throw away everything you own! (proud to say i just used this one last night!)
If you don’t start cleaning the kitchen the right way then I just won’t feed you! Don’t see that happening…..
If you’re not in the car on time I’ll drive off without you!
I tend to think social services would have an issue when I drove off and left my children at home alone…until they met them. Bah ha ha
Until someone admits to leaving the wet towels on the floor no one in this family showers! This one….used very recently I am sad to say…completely backfired, as most of my kids are not yet into personal grooming!

Please oh please tell me some of you say loony things to your children too!!!! Please?!?

2 replies
  1. Kathy Aldridge
    Kathy Aldridge says:


    Greetings from North Carolina!

    I have just discovered your website and your blog….you are a MESS, girl!

    Just thought I’d share a couple of things I used to say to my (now in their thirties) kids when they would misbehave. My all-time fav was “I’m going to take you to Wal-Mart and whip your legs!” (which of course I never did…go to Wal-Mart, I mean…just kidding). While leaving the store, my son, Matt, used to say, “Hey Mom, you forgot to whip our legs”, to which I would reply, “There’s still time”.

    Lovin’ it…..gotta get me some of that paint.



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