Shower post….

This has NOTHING to do with furniture…..but it cracked me up. Saw it on Facebook this week and i laughed and laughed! I cleaned it up a wee bit…but it’s still PG vs G…..so preview before you read aloud at the dinner table. Heehee

(I added my own version at the end of this….so be sure and read my addition…even if this is something you’ve already seen). :)

Differences Between Man and Women in a Shower

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror – make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts,etc. Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumicestone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint enhanced conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake privates at her making the ‘woo-woo’ sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your privates and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Poot and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake privates at her and make the ‘woo-woo’ sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I would like to add the following….

How to shower like a teenager….
Teenage boys? Never happens so I’d be done now. Haha

Teenage girls?

Get up about an hour before school and approximately 3 minutes before your sisters and RUN to bathroom.

Lock all doors securely.

Turn on shower and crank up hot water. While hot water is running, use the bathroom…flush….and wait for shower to return to correct temperature. When it does, slowly undress…then go to mirror and pluck eyebrows while water continues to run.

Get in shower with all of mothers personal grooming products you stole from her bathroom during the three minutes between waking up and dashing to the shower.

Wash hair and then condition with 1/3 bottle each of mothers “splurge” products that she saved $$ forever to try. When bottle slips out of hands, do not pick it up and giggle a little when you see lid crack or break off entirely.

Shave legs and pits using mothers new razor and 1/2 can of her shaving cream. When razor drops to shower floor do not pick up or reassemble as razor heads falls off handle.

Use three washcloths…one for body…one for face…and one just to add to laundry pile.

Wash TEENAGE face with mothers million dollar anti aging cleanser.

Stand in shower as you hear banging and screaming on other side of bathroom door from sisters desperate to enter and begin their morning routine.

Continue to enjoy the spa like feel of the shower head until the water starts getting cold. Turn it off and get out.

Step onto mothers favorite fluffy towel she purchased in a color that coordinates with only her bedroom to keep it separate since this is your favorite choice for bath mat.

Dry off with three towels…one for body…one for hair….and one just to add to laundry pile. Throw all three towels BESIDE laundry hamper.

As banging on door continues, slowly apply mothers 7 million dollar anti aging night cream to entire surface of youthful non wrinkled arms and legs.

Smile with satisfaction as banging on door is accompanied by whining and pleading of sisters who will have no warm shower or even time for a cold one.

Finish dressing and leave bathroom only when threatened within inch of life by mother.

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