flower

st.louis….

so not long ago i did a little blurb about my adventurous/challenging/almost impossible search for a bra that fit and defied gravity.  i realized going in that i was asking a LOT of a bra…but did not lower my standards until my boobies were at LEAST 2 inches above my waist and properly confined so as not to jiggle inappropriately each time i took a deep breath.  well….this little accomplishment has thrown off my center of gravity and those puppies keep getting in the way since i am used to being able to toss them over my shoulder and forget about them.  today i donned a new sweater on my way to the shop to paint since it was rather chilly and not long after i began working i looked down and saw that i was paint free…..except for a big ole smudge on my sweater smack dab in the center of my…..puppies.  reminded me of a little episode that occured one year on vacation.   let me preface this with …..i am not proud of being well endowed.  it is quite the curse….not attractive at all since i am also well endowed in my buttocks area…upper arms…..chin region….thighs…and let’s just say where most women have a six pack i have a 24 pack.  i wish someone would come up with a “boob bank” ….much like a blood bank.  i go and donate…and the donation goes to help out those in need.  both of us would be blessed.   anywho…..we decide to go to st louis one year to the magic house.  awesome trip!!!  first thing in the doorway is one of those big huge walls of…um….peg thingys….where you push your hand in and there is an incredible print of your hand on the other side of the board.  faces have fabulous detail!  it’s really amazing!!!  they have these boards you can then use to “erase” the imprint by pushing the pegs back so they are level and you can start again.   well….my kids are all showing me hands and faces and start yelling for me to try.  so i throw caution to the wind and step up to the wall.  i walk forward and stick my face in and yell for my kids on the other side to “look at mommy’s face!….look at mommy’s face!”   then i hear this deep voice….a man’s voice….on the other side of the wall…say….”um…ma’am….that ain’t mama’s FACE!” and then all i can hear is my husband (who was not the man who said “that ain’t mama’s face”) start laughing hysterically.  i run to the other side of the wall….and realize with horror… that my PUPPIES have reached the wall before my face did and right below the detailed outline of my face is a very realistic and true-to-size outline of my boobs!  i am screaming “erase it!!! erase it!!” and tom is laughing so hard he can barely stand.   my younger kids are looking bewildered whilst my older offspring are searching desperately for another family to go home with.  i finally jerk one of the dumb eraser boards away from a four year old just standing there HOLDING it and start furiously erasing everything on the 12 foot square wall since quite a crowd is forming.  i decided later that i should have just shown them all by turning around and backing into the daggum board and leaving my hiney print!  needless to say we have not nor will we ever go back to st louis.

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