let me start by saying that “top girl” is a computer game. let me follow that up really quickly with “DON’T GET IT!” and also “DON’T PLAY IT” and even “IT’S EVIL!” after a nasty bout with Apple over the demise of my million dollar i-pad, i had a brief grieving period….and have now purchased a kindle fire. it’s a pretty decent substitue – especially when you factor in price! anywho….it is user friendly enough that my six year old can download games. by herself. all by herself. only the free ones of course….but we have discovered that the kindle “parental controls” are …..um….how shall we phrase this…..stupid?! wait….they are a “bit broader than our own”. so last week miss emma downloaded a game called top girl. she told me bits and pieces about it as i was working one day…. “mom – i get to shop for clothes” super- what girl doesn’t love that? “mom – i have a big closet!” a dream of my OWN – so how nice for her! “mom – i got a job on here to get money” well darn right! that’s a wonderful thing to learn – you want money? you gotta work! let’s get all my kids to play this game!!! “mom – i get points for how HOT i am!” SCREEEEEECCH! whoa! hold on!!! you WHAT????? “i get more points if i look hot!” give me that kindle right now little missy – let me see this game!!! so i decide to try and focus on the positives she has told me about and i decide to help her earn some money. i go to the career section and apply for a job. do you know what the game tells me????? i am not making this up…..it says “you are not hot enough…..go look in your closet and re-dress and then reapply for the job when you are hotter.” exCUSE ME???????? i am aghast! (good vocab word, huh?) and decide to ask around my little family to see who has played this game……here is what i discovered….much to my chagrin! (another one!)
first let’s start with Katie….my innocent sweet katie-bug. katie found that the boyfriends you find on here “talk” to you. some of the WORST pick up lines i have ever heard……”you are like a pizza – every slice is perfect!” and “without you life would be like a broken pencil – pointless!” and “if i could rearrange the alphabet, i would be next to u!” GROAN!!! apparently boyfriends increase your energy level which is needed to shop to get the clothes to look hot. too close to real life for comfort? bah ha ha!!!
and my matthew….my angelic baby matthew….this is what i hear him saying to his sister katie….”hey katie! should i go on a movie date or a dinner date with my boyfriend? he’s in a bad mood and i’m trying to cheer him up….if his mood gets to zero then my energy level drops and i lose points. if i can hang onto him i think he’s about to give me presents!”
and my now ruined forever little emma…. emma decided she was going to break up with her digital boyfriend and so she attempted this. but when she told her digi-date it was “over” he offered her 30 – count them – 30 hotness points if she would keep him. but to her credit she told me he seemed too clingly so she was breaking up anyway. maybe there’s hope for her????? let me just end this embarrasing tale with the following…. “Top Girl has now been demoted to Bottom Girl and banned from all devices in our home!!!!!!!”