flower

would you rather?

my kids have a game they love that asks the question “would you rather?”….and then one of the cards gives you a couple choices to ask the other players….. examples?  would you rather run for five miles on two feet or hop for one mile using only one foot?    would you rather have three feet or three arms?  would you rather be bald or be super hairy?   so that’s the feel of the game…..  well emma was feeling a little bored today – and decided to come outside where tom and i were enjoying the fabulous weather and painting outside and announced that she was going to swing and talk to us….and next thing you know she has asked us to play her version of “would you rather?”  hind sight is 20/20 but we should have said no!  haha….   first question that totally cracked me up?  i asked her:  so em….would you rather have to lay in a bed of worms or a bed of roaches?  (now….yes…i realize that is a grotesque question to ask my 6 year old…and i have no clue what came over me….i think it was a combination of being uncomfortable with the questions she and her dad were trading where one choice was always death!  (would you rather eat a bug or DIE?…that kinda thing) and i kept thinking about that tv show where you had to do crazy/gross stuff to win a bunch of money)  anyhoo….i did indeed ask that ridiculous question.  her answer?  a fast and cheerful “worms mom!  totally the bed of worms!”  i swear it even sounded like there was a “duh!” tone to her voice!  so i asked how she knew that so quickly since they were both such nasty options.  her answer?  “well mom….i’m not scared of either of those things….so i’d have to go with which one was more COMFORTABLE…and since i like a soft bed – i’ll have to go with the squishy worms.  easy one!  now ask me a hard one mom!!!”   so…..swallowing my nausea….i ask what i think will be a very hard one.   and yes – in retrospect – someone probably SHOULD call social services on  me since this question is also not one i am proud of.  “ok em….you are at school during recess.  would you rather have your PANTS fall down….or your SHIRT fall off?”   i got her stumped, right????  uh…no.  she speedily and confidently answers “easy one mom….my shirt!  definately want the shirt falling off”   WHAT???  do i launch into my “modesty” lecture????  do i call the teacher and ask if she has been slipping her shirt off on a regular basis????  do i tell her she needs to at least CHARGE for this service???  being a model of restraint i calmly ask “um…emma….why your shirt?”   “well mom – boys take off their shirts all the time!  i saw three today just in our neighborhood!”  uh…yes emma – they do….but…well….er….boys don’t have boobs honey!   “MOM….i’m in FIRST GRADE….i dont EITHER!!!”   oh.  well.   i guess i see her point.  again…really just shouldn’t have asked that one!   last question…..would you rather stay at home your whole life or have to travel somewhere dangerous?   “mom – all your questions are so easy!  i would totally stay home!!!  like one place i could never ever go is south america…mom that is one dangerous place. we have been learning about these people in school and they built stuff with just their hands and some tiny little tools – no BIG tools that plug in…so now everything is all  in RUINS…and mom….there are some wicked wicked animals over there – there are crocodiles that bite you and poisonous frogs!!!  i could never go to south america.  so i’d totally just stay home.”    i am watching in amazement and wondering when my little emma is going to take a breath.  wicked animals?  she’s a hoot!   so here’s my question for you….would you rather walk across a pile of sharp tacks or read another one of these posts??  ha!  dont’ answer that!!!!

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